my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
