He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
