Whod you bang
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
