And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Terrible idea I love it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
