fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
