I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i barfeds in our rink
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
