I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
