I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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