i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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