You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
