Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
