I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
