OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
