i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
