I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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