What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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