I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Small penises have feelings too.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
