When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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