yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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