I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
