god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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