I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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