I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize