I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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