Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
