i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
