I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
