Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Drunk is a universal language darling
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
