the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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