so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i think i just lost a toe
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
