Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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