This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
