Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
