I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
