Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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