a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
