a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
