My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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