I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
