I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
