My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
