okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
