I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
