wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
