I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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