Don't make out with my wife yet
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
