FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
