It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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