My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm really busy with my period
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