so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize