this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
