i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
