It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
