I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it's like iHOP with fire
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
