kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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