JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
soo... how was my night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
