As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
