"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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