I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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