im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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