I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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