the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
