So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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