i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
